The Adventures of Mika

I decided to move the blog. Just because. The new location is:
http://themika.wordpress.com

woooohoo! onwards and upwards!

"An Israeli is someone who knows what's better for you than you do, and isn't embarrassed to ask you how much money you make."

So in Israel there is a head Sephardi Rabbi and a head Ashkenazi Rabbi for the whole country (or is it the whole Jewish world? I don't know. I don't pay attention to these things, except when the head Ashkenazi Rabbi was publicly disgraced a few months back for using Holy money for personal stuff and other general corrupted acts).

Anyhow, these are the guys who issue the newest rules based on their interpretation of the Holy Books, given whatever issues are at hand. So the head Sephardi guy, in his most recent decree, added these gems to the list:

1. No picking your nose on the Sabbath. (I guess some people put a lot of work into it)
2. No talking to someone through the bathroom door while sitting on the toilet.

wow. what would the pious do without this guy?

I did a phone survey in Hebrew tonight.

poor guy. I tried to warn him. In the end, I was pretty puch useless - I don't own a tv, don't have kids, and haven't ever bought anything for my kitchen. I don't know the Israeli TV channels, kids' furniture companies, or almost anything to do with the kitchen at all. And I don't know the words for any of those things (well, some) so the conversation was, shall we say, stilted.

But I was nice, because once you've been a telemarketer, you know how much it sucks. So hopefully he gets paid by the survey, not the quality of the answers. I even forgive him for getting impatient with me. Because I understand.

In other news, I have officially been deemed (by, like, everybody I know) Not American. WOOOHOOO! Well, except for my accent. Maybe I'll work on changing it. People have done it before... I feel like I've been knighted or something.

So the other day I was talking to my mom, and I mentioned the cute religious trainer and how he had winked at me that morning.

"Actually, he kind of winks at me a lot, mom --"

"--He probably just has en eye problem, poor guy!"

Thanks, mom.

But I'll forgive her, because she's sending me.... a care package!!! I LOVE care packages. Especially when a little bird tells me I'm going to be happy with the contents. Because among other goodies, they include slippers. And candy. And things to cheer me up when the going gets bumpy.

In other news, I have been craving tahini like crazy. Good thing I live in the land where I can buy the good shit - real Palestinian sesame paste - and make the best darn tahini you've ever tasted. MMM MMM GOOD.

... I think I should buy some slippers.

Sadly, not the Hawaiian kind.

A real conversation I overheard the other night on the bus, which was full of religious teen-aged girls:

Girl A: Does she even know we're friends?
Girl B: And, like, (some girl's name), too?
Girl A: Ohmigod, stop texting, already.
Girl B: Ohmigod, stop being such a JAP!
::silent pause::
Girl A: Okay, because I'm the one wearing Ralph?
::another pause for deep consideration of the subject at hand::
Girl C: Ohmigod, I've become obsessed with (name of some designer perfume).
Girl D (not as cool as the others): Is that what you've been spraying everywhere?
Girl C: Ya. I, like, bathe in it.

They got off soon after this. I looked out the window but all I could see were dowdy, frumpy religious girls - and then one turned and I saw the telltale sign of too much makeup.

I don't get it. Are they transplants? Is it possible that JAPiness is an inherited trait?? Can we send them back to wherever they came from???

Maybe I'll pin my hopes on the new year, Gregorian-style. Since the Jewish New Year started I've been slammed at work, left to care for various pets as friends go out of town (trips that I can't join in because of the afore-mentioned work stress), and to top it all off: my computer had a stroke. I got the Blue Screen of Death, and nearly had a stroke myself.

Of course the first thing I do is call my dad, who helpfully points out that a) I should have been backing everything up, and b) I probably lost everything. Thanks, Dad. Instead of those little tidbits cheering me up, they promoted my somewhat-mediated anxiety into a full-blown freak-out. There were tears, curses, this-can't-really-be-happening-s. To be fair, he did try to help by finding me the Dell people in Israel. Unfortunately, they don't exist. So I proceeded to go to sleep (it was nighttime anyways, and it was either that or sink further into a funk).

In the morning I managed to find someone who would look at it first thing Sunday morning. Then I went out of town for the weekend. Nothing like avoiding reality to make things look better! I had a very nice weekend visiting with the family of a friend and coworker in a place called Holon, near Tel Aviv. It was Sukkot, so their whole family came over to eat, argue - I mean visit together, and etc. It was great fun to just be in a family environment, and they're just the sweetest family ever. When they're not yelling - I mean talking - that is.

Anyhow the computer guy came on Sunday, and discovered that my information was still salvagable. He shall forever be called the Hero of my Life. It turns out that my hard drive was in the process of dying, and was nice enough to hiccup on its way down so I could do some last-minute magic to save the contents. Well, so the Hero of my Life could do the magic. Of course, he called me today - the magic will cost about the same as a month's rent. Awesome. Still, at least it's all retrievable. As soon as I get my computer back, invigorated with a new breath of life (and a month's rent-worth of new crap in its belly), I promise to back up every day, every time I do anything on the thing. Every time. For ever and ever. And ever. I will back up like nobody has backed up before. Amen.

It was Yom Kippur yesterday, the Jewish holy Day of Atonement. Gemar Chatima Tova is what you say on this day, since the idea is that at the start of the year, you (hopefully) get written in the Book of Life for at least another year.

I don't remember being in Israel for Yom Kippur ever, and it was amazing. Through my fast-induced haze (fast to atone for your sins and - for me - cleanse the body to prepare for the new year), I managed to be awed by the fact that the entire city of Jerusalem stopped. As in, no cars even. In fact, it is tradition that it is the one day of the year when you can WALK down any street or highway, because everything is just totally silent. You don't understand what it is like to live in a big, LOUD, messy city - and then have a day of complete inaction.

This is Betzalel, a busy street near my house. Note that the road is the opposite of normal - the cars are (parked) on the side of the road, and the people are in the middle. It's pretty crazy, and totally cool.

It was interesting to see how different people around me treated the holiday. Most people I know were surprised to know that I fast, because I don't tend to be very religious. My boss fasted and prayed the whole day the way you're truly supposed to, and my roommate didn't fast at all. In the morning I had some introspection time on the meaning of Yom Kippur and applying it to my life. In the early evening, we went to the top of this building in the Old City (AMAZING view, I tried to take pictures but it was too dark by the time I got around to it) to watch the sun set. I burned my list of sins/things I need to let go of up there, and then we went to break the fast. All in all it was one of the most unique, peaceful, and fulfilling days I've had in my life. I feel really good going into the new year, and about making changes that are going to be good for me. They say "Next year in Jerusalem," - well, I damn well did it this year!

It is the time of the year for some of the most important Jewish holidays - the start of the new year (Rosh Ha'Shana) and tying up the lose ends from the previous year (Yom Kippur). Rosh Hashana already happened, and on Monday it will be Yom Kippur - the day of atonement. I just want to talk about it because a) I really like the idea of it in a lot of ways, and b) I've never experienced it in Jerusalem before, so I think it'll be extra-interesting. On Yom Kippur, Jews fast to purify themselves of the sins they committed in the year before, and pray to be written in the Book of Life. There's a week between Rosh Ha'Shana and Yom Kippur, when you're supposed to correct your sins/apologize to those you have wronged. I don't usually do this physically, but I do think about it. And I fast, because I like the idea of taking a day to make a physical sacrifice for spiritual cleansing.

As for being in Jerusalem when all this is happening - it's interesting because most of my friends aren't religious (if they're Jewish at all), so they don't even fast or anything. On the other hand, there are a million more religious types who have come to be in Jerusalem for the holidays, who are sure to be fasting and even doing all the superreligious traditions like not even showering or brushing their teeth. I definitely fall somewhere in the middle (I think we can all guess which direction I tend to lean), but it's interesting to see the strict observance contrasted with the secularism that Diaspora Jews (those not from Israel) aren't able to take to the same extreme as secular Israelis, if they want to maintain any semblance of Jewish identity. Most people here wish you an 'easy fast' for the holiday - it's not a particularly joyous day, so I guess that's the best they can do. Anyhow it should be really, really interesting to see what the day itself actually turns out to be like - I'll let you know!

In other news, I had my first trip to the shuk today since I've been back and my first felafel at the best place EVER. It's my favorite, and a felafel is only 10 shekels - that's like a little over $2. It's good to be back!

this may not be very coherent, since I got back today and have been falling asleep in conversations all over the place. But I got back to Jerusalem today and realized that the Jewish new year celebrations were still underway, meaning no stores or buses or any of that kind of thing. So the city was a little spooky-quiet. But I went on a picnic with the roomie and friend for her birthday, and it was totally awesome to hang out with them again, I really did miss them. Of course, now I'm missing my family and friends in the US. As my mom put it, I'm in a place that no matter what I do (where I go) some part of me will suffer.

so true, and so not the level of thinking I am able to handle right now. Off to bed, then maybe I'll be able to handle sentences and all that.

Here I am, back home. It's weird and good and lots of things I can't put words to yet. I'll get more to that in a bit, but first let's talk about the journey.

As I was driving around Jerusalem in the monit sherut before heading to the airport, I realized that Jerusalem has become home. I have achieved that feeling that I was looking for when I first moved here, where the streets are familiar, I know my regular stores and the shuk; I am comfortable here. I am one of them - I am a Jerusalemite. This is home. Not necessarily the forever kind, but home nonetheless, for however long it may be. My friends, family, the language and the culture - they are all a part of me.

on the plane:
Is anyone truly aware of how long 12.5 hours is? And then another 5 or 6 hours more on top of that? Think about it. If you had nothing but a little cramped chair, a couple of books, and a bunch of strangers all crowded around you - those hours seem to last exponentially longer than normal time. Every time I thought that maybe we were almost there, I was told there were still hours and hours. I was going to jump out of my skin.

Not to say that the flight to Toronto was uneventful - So I'm on the plane, right, and these men in front of me have been drinking steadily ("More Canadian beer?") since they came by with the first round of drinks. They are Israeli, Mizrachim (Jews of Middle Eastern/North African decent - basically, it means they look Middle Eastern). Classic good ol' boy Israeli manly men.

Ok actually first of all, in the middle of the flight, they make an announcement over the loudspeaker that someone was found smoking in the bathroom, and not to smoke because it is forbidden and you will be arrested when the plane lands. Um. WHO DOES THAT??? Smoking on airplanes has been illegal for like 20 years. And especially in this hyper-hysterical post-9/11 terrorism-phobic-maniacal world we live in today???

Back to the men sitting in front of me - apparently they know the guy, because he comes to talk to them and is all worried that he'll go to jail or get kicked out of Canada or something. What an idiot. As far as I'm concerned, he deserves whatever he gets. Anyhow, these men, being Israeli good ol' boys - one of them stops a passing flight attendant to tell him that his friend is really sorry, take it easy on him, he didn't mean it, etc. I wanted to tell them that this kind of thing doesn't work outside of Israel, the whole macho-macho-protexia I'll put in a good word for you deal. We're talking about Canadians. And flying, which everyone has an extra-big stick up their ass about.

Plus the beer had got them all sociable, and so it went. I guess the flight attendants might have asked them to tone it down, but I didn't see it. All of a sudden the flight attendants are all annoyed, which makes these men belligerent, and then they start yelling at the young woman and old man in the row in front of them, who I guess were the ones complaining. The chick, also being Israeli, starts yelling back, then calls for the flight attendants when the men start to get in her face. The flight attendant comes and starts yelling at the men to take their seats and be quiet, and then threatening arrest and jail when they continue to argue ("You! 16 days! You - 16 days!" It was kind of comical trying to see a weeny Canadian trying to take on these guys, really). It was all very dramatic though.

You won't believe it, but even after all this, the guys were trying to put in a good word for their smoking friend. Really. thought it might actually do him more harm than good to be associated with those guys, but whatever. In the end, the guy apologized so much that the flight attendant talked to the pilot and reported that the guy wouldn't be arrested when the plane landed.

When the plane got into Toronto, I ate something (the meals on the plane were inedible), and the 12.5 hours caught up with me. I don't even have anything to say about the rest of the trip, because my mind was incapable of processing anything. All I know is that I made it to San Francisco.

I have been back for a little over a day now. I have talked to a few friends and family, but so far I have only really spent time with my mom. It is so good to see her, I can't even express it. And the thing is that we're talking almost exclusively in Hebrew! I'm finding that I want it that way, maybe to keep the connection, but also because those are the words that are coming to me when I want to express myself. It's funny because sometimes I have to stop and change gears totally when I want to talk to like a waiter or someone in the store or something. I'm not used to everyone going on in English! I'm feeling more Israeli than I feel in Israel, but I guess that makes sense, because I'm more American than the people there. I'm definitely different from when I left (in a good way, I think). It's good to be here and I miss Israel and Jerusalem and my friends and I can't wait to see everyone else I know and love here. It's all a bit confusing and complicated, but I guess that's the life of a bi-continental existence, and I'm just starting to experience it. Dang I picked a hard road. Typical. I wouldn't want it any other way!

It has been a while. Sorry. I've been working like a madwoman so that I can feel a little less guilty about taking the time off work to go home to Cali for the 2.5 weeks. Although I will also be working from there. I've got 4 jobs going these days: my regular full-time job, 2 freelance editing projects, and another thing I do on Friday afternoons. You bet your ass I'm looking forward to getting away from (most of) it all!

I'm superexcited about the visit. Like, the closer it gets, the more excited I become. I'm a little nervous because I know that I've changed, and I'm sure that things there have changed, and I don't know what it will be like. And I really, really don't want lectures or questions about what the hell do I think I'm doing living in the Middle East with everything that's going on, etc. But I love my family and friends so much, it will do my heart good to see them. It's going to be strange, to understand everything, to not struggle with understanding and being understood, to live in only one language again. hehe.

I went to the kibbutz over the weekend, and it was great. It was so nice just to get out of the city, and remember what the rest of Israel is like - what for me is my more fundamental connection to the country. My uncle and aunt took me to the best steak restaurant I have ever been to in my life on Friday night. Seriously. They know the owner, so they told him to just bring whatever. Um, wow. Everything, from the wine to the bread to the meat (tender, juicy, red... AMAZING. I am so not a vegetarian) was incredible. I hung out with my cousin afterwards, which was fun 'cause I don't get to see her that much. I also visited with the couple who I stayed with when I first arrived in the country - some of the nicest people on the planet. I love them, and how I'm just a part of the family. I just walked in, gave them kisses, got myself something to eat (this is Israel, land of the Jews - everything starts and ends with a meal), and sat down on the couch to watch TV. LOVE IT. Being in Jerusalem, where my life is mostly independent and I don't see family very much, it was nice to have the reminder that they are there.

And there's another baby in the family! My cousin who I stayed with when I came to Jerusalem is now the proud father of a baby boy. I went to visit them in the hospital yesterday, and all are doing well. The baby is so sweet! You can tell he's still kind of in shock from the world after being in his little cocoon for so long. What a cutie.

I fly out tomorrow, woooooooooooooooooo!

My birthday was really good. My roommate woke me up at 7:30am with, "Mika, your dad is on the phone and he says that I have to wake you up, I'm really sorry!" I walked out of my room into a world of colorful suspended balloons that they had hung during the night. I got to talk to my dad and stepmom and sister, which I don't get to do very often, so that was a great start to the day. After going to the gym, I went for hummus in the shuk with a friend and the roomie, who was hilarious because she hadn't gone to sleep the night before (writing a paper) and was completely dilerious.

Afterwards I went to my friend's house and had beers and a lovely chill afternoon with good company and conversation. I went home for a shower and a talk with my mom before people started showing up so that we could go to dinner. We went to this really good sushi place. It was a kind of random group of people - roomie, friends from that area, and friends from work. But everyone got along really well, so it was totally comfortable.

Four of us rallied after dinner to go have a drink at this cool pub I know. And finally, three were left standing at this Russian jazz club - where the live music ended right as we walked in. They put on Russian pop/hard rock, and about 10 Russians spent the next hour+ "dancing" (jumping up and down hideously off-beat) and "singing" (yelling the words) at the top of their lungs. 10 doesn't sound like many, but that place is TINY. I couldn't stop staring, with my jaw on the floor. I know it must have been rude, but I have never seen anything like it.

So all in all, it was a great day. I feel really lucky that even just 6 months into my new life in a new country, I have people who care enough about me to want to celebrate my birthday with me, and who went out of their way to make it special. Of course I wish I could have seen my family and friends from home, but this was also wonderful.

And I'll be home in just over one week!

After work today I got to meet with a real British Lord! He in Israel for whatever politicking, and he wanted to meet with Israeli students. And yes, I realize that I don't really fit either description (I'm Israeli but also quite American), but it was coordinated through my office, so I got to go. There were only about 9 people there, so it was pretty personal. Anyhow, not something you get to do every day!

This guy was hilarious, seriously like the absentminded professor or something. He was a doddering old man, but happy and funny, and interested in knowing about all of us there. But when it came to knowing anything about anything, one of his two aides interrupted with all the information. He didn't know any of it. But in a sweet way, really...

So I was riding to the gym this morning, when my bike lost traction and slid out from under me, sideways. I tummy surfed the streets of Jerusalem for a bit, and when I stopped I took a few minutes just to taste the pavement and make sure I was still alive. I got up, to find that my shirt had done a much better job cleaning the street than the stupid truck-thingie. I took a couple minutes to make sure my bike was ok, and then headed off to the gym. I didn't even see all the scrapes until I got home and showered. Even now, there is dirt embedded in my skin.

You should see the street - it'll never mess with me again.